Themed restaurants (particularly those in franchised chains) are best avoided on most occasions, but the Outback Steakhouse should be avoided at all costs.

This is an Australian themed restaurant that comes out of America. So what you get is an American menu, and an American style of service (get ‘em in, feed ‘em, get ‘em out) with inane Australian labels attached to it. As an added bonus of authenticity, we had an American waiter who proudly displayed badges awarded for selling the most drinks in a night (does the phase “Responsible Service of Alcohol” ring a bell) and insisted (was probably forced contractually) on saying “No worries” whenever he left the table.

The restaurant works on the good old Aussie “No Rules, Just Right” principle, which is not actually any Aussie principle that I am aware of.

Like any good American restaurant they bring out your salad first and wait till you have finished it before they bring out your main dish. Guys, the reason it is called a side dish is that it sits beside your main dish. Let’s not get this stupid way of eating established in this country.

The menu items are almost exclusively American but given supposedly Australian names. They have a thing called a “Bloomin’ Onion” which is a huge onion cut into a flower shaper, rolled in breadcrumbs and deep fried.

They also have “Cheese Chips” which in the states are called “Cheese Froys” (because they think that is how we say Fries). These chips are covered in “Aussie Jack” cheese. Has anyone ever heard of “Aussie Jack” cheese. I think it might just be “Monteray Jack” by a different name.

Some of the names for the food are just ridiculous. They have a “Drover’s Platter” which consists of pork ribs and chicken. Given that a drover spends the day herding sheep or cattle across the country, why the hell would they be eating chicken and pork?

The “Down Under Favourites” include a dish called “Jackaroo Chops” which consists of Pork Chops served with Cinnamon Apples. Notwithstanding that Jackaroos are seldom seen herding pigs, since when have Cinnamon Apples been a favourite in this country?

The dessert dishes listed in the menu under “Cop it Sweet” include such Aussie favourites as pecan brownies and more Cinnamon Apples. No sign of Lamingtons or Pavlova or even a vanilla slice. Where did these clowns do their research?

My advice is to avoid this restaurant. Don’t even contemplate going there. It is bad enough that American fast food franchises are spreading like cancer across this country. Having one that is pretending to be Australian is appalling.