A Flash in the Pan

As read by the author.

Now if you’ve got a minute a two,
I’ll tell you the story of our back loo,
It’s like none that you’ve seen before,
A warning’s written on the door,
“Please take a seat in flood or drought,
But not when there are storms about,”
Another thing that’s rather odd,
Our dunny’s got a lightning rod.

It all began one fateful day,
When Grandpa had come down to stay,
The day had been quite clear and warm,
But night-time brought an awful storm,
He finished his prune and baked bean stew,
And longed to have a number two,
His face contorted with the strain,
As he raced to the bog through pouring rain.

His backyard sprint was fairly brief,
And ended with sighs of relief,
As Grandpa hit the holey chair,
With only seconds left to spare,
Outside the wind was getting stronger,
It seemed his stay would be much longer,
But then there was a lightning flash,
And Grandpa heard an awful crash.

The lightning hit the dunny shed,
The voltage should have knocked him dead,
A good thing was, his pants were down,
Or else they would have turned dark brown,
It got so hot, and I’m no liar,
That Grandpa’s trousers caught on fire,
And as the flames licked round his knees,
He smashed the door and struggled free.

He stumbled out into the yard,
The wind blew strong, the rain beat hard,
He turned just as his leg went lame,
To see the bog explode in flame,
His hair was singed, he skin was burnt,
Especially were his trousers weren’t
He lay there shivering with fear,
And waited for the storm to clear.

Well many people think it funny,
To hear of our exploding dunny,
But pop still bares the mental scars,
And quite a few across his arse,
Though sometimes if you shout him beers,
He manages to quell his fears,
And if he tells you of that day,
Then this is probably what he’ll say.

“I’ve grown to like the wooden seat,
And lizards crawling across your feet,
It’s not that bad when big bull ants,
Bite those parts beneath your pants,
And I’ve gotten used to Red Back spiders
That crawl along the seat beside ya,
But I’ve not known anything so frightening,
As when our dunny got hit by lightening.

© copyright A Jack 1984

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