The Magpie Swat

These are the original words. They were changed slightly when sung by Pat Drummond.

There was scratching in the ceiling,

From a noisy native pest.

So I climbed up on the ladder,

To remove the Magpie nest,

But since that day it’s haunted me,

And keeps on coming back,

So this is what I have to do,

To stave of an attack.

CHORUS:

Put a bucket on your head,

And race on down the yard,

Grab a rolled up local rag,

Make sure it’s good and hard,

Lie in wait and muster

all the energy you’ve got,

Then wave your hands above your head,

And do The Magpie Swat.

These days I always have to hang,

The sheets inside the shed,

Ever since that bloody magpie,

Tore the Sheridans to shreds,

The bugger bit my finger off,

And stole my wedding ring,

So if you come to visit me,

Remember just one thing…

CHORUS:

Put a bucket on your head,

And race on down the yard,

Grab a rolled up local rag,

Make sure it’s good and hard,

Lie in wait and muster

all the energy you’ve got,

Then wave your hands above your head,

And do The Magpie Swat.

That bird shat on my windscreen,

I couldn’t see to drive,

I ran a light and clipped a truck,

God knows how I survived,

I hit a tree and smashed a fence,

Then rolled into a drain,

And this is what I’m gonna write,

On my insurance claim.

CHORUS:

Put a bucket on your head,

And race on down the yard,

Grab a rolled up local rag,

Make sure it’s good and hard,

Lie in wait and muster

all the energy you’ve got,

Then wave your hands above your head,

And do The Magpie Swat.

BRIDGE:

So know you know the dangers of this bird of which I speak,

It’s claws are just like daggers,

And there’s razors in it’s beak,

But you won’t think it’s funny,

If it flies into the dunny,

So make sure you always look before you leak

© A Jack & P Drummond 1991

AJ Jack
Cadastral Information Quality Assurance Officer at NSW Department of Finance, Services and Innovation – Spatial Services
My career objective is to use my computing and business training to improve your business processes and get more out of your limited corporate resources.

Specialties: IT project management, government administration, reporting, business analysis, systems analysis, training, network management, open source software.

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